EPISODE OVERVIEW:

When grieving, families often find themselves drowning in legal documents, forgotten passwords, and overwhelming decisions. Betty interviews Kylee Bandy, CEO of After Loss Advisors, who transformed her experience in working with clients and loss into a mission to help families navigate estate management during their most vulnerable time.

Kylee shares the hidden realities of after-loss logistics—from tracking down digital assets to managing family dynamics—and explains how specialized professionals provide crucial support when families need it most.

Essential listening for anyone facing loss or wanting to spare their family future heartache.

TIME STAMPS:

[3:42] Challenges of Estate Management 

• Difficulties families face after loss
• Dealing with institutions 

[11:09] Working with Clients 

• Description of the client experience
• Creating a customized task plan 

[18:38] Handling Sensitive Information 

• Explanation of privacy practices
• Access to financial information

[26:10] Estate Organization 

• Assisting clients with estate planning
• How to prepare documentation

[30:06] Family Dynamics 

• Handling sensitive conversations 
• Bridging gaps between family members

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Importance of preparing for legacy and estate organizing – How to properly plan after the loss of a loved one
• Compassionate and clear coordination – Navigating sensitive conversations with grieving families and professionals
• Hardships for families – Common pitfalls when there hasn’t been proactive planning 
• Digital tools for estate planning – Managing passwords, accounts, and online assets after death
• When grief meets estate management – Why a professional support system is essential, not optional 

GUEST INFO: 

Kylee Bandy, After Loss Professional

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Instagram 

RESOURCES:

• Join Betty in a free consultation call for your financial goals
• Subscribe to the Betty’s Smart Friends YouTube Channel
• Follow us on Instagram
• Visit my website for more info
• Follow us on LinkedIn

Betty Wang is an investment adviser representative of BW Financial LLC, a registered investment adviser registered in the State of Colorado. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training. The views and opinions expressed are as of the date of publication and are subject to change. The content is for informational or educational purposes only, and is not intended as individualized investment advice. This information should not be relied upon as the sole factor in an investment-making decision. You are encouraged to consult with a financial professional to address your specific needs and circumstances.

TRANSCRIPTION:

Betty Wang 00:00:05 Hello everyone, and today’s episode of My Smart Friends. We’ll talk about why legacy and estate organizing are so important, what an after loss professional is, and how these professionals can help us after the death of a loved one. I didn’t even know these amazing professionals existed three months ago. At that time, I had already spent more than 30 hours on helping with the estate of a family member. And also, sadly, around that time, a client very unexpectedly passed away, leaving a very shocked, very aggrieved spouts. As I personally vet any professional before recommending anyone to a client, I reached out to our guest today to learn more about her and her services for the surviving spouse. I was amazed at what I learned and wanted to share with our listeners. We as women over 45 are experiencing more death than we did in our younger years. Also more likely to be caring for an older parent or loved one who may or may not have their legacy in a state organized, and we are often the ones left dealing with the estate after the loss of a loved one.

Betty Wang 00:01:11 I’m so excited to welcome Kylie Bandy, CEO and founder of After Loss Advisors, to Walk Us, how she and other professionals like her can help us with the sensitive legacy and estate planning process, and also help ease the administrative burden after the loss of a loved one. Please welcome Kylie. Hi Kylie, thanks for joining us today. Hi. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate your time. As I shared with the listeners, I was so amazed by the services you offer. Can you tell us a little bit more? Just general. I didn’t realize there were after loss professionals. I didn’t realize there were people to help us with legacy and estate planning other than an estate planner. Can you tell us about your role and why you started your business?

Kylee Bandy 00:02:00 Absolutely, yeah. Part of why I started my business was because, as you mentioned, going through it with a family member and a client recently, I went through it when we lost my dad about six years ago. And similarly, we had great professionals supporting us.

Kylee Bandy 00:02:13 We had a state attorney, a probate attorney, we had a financial advisor and a CPA, and they were all so integral in helping us through that time. But there’s still a lot that falls on the family or the executor. In the state of Colorado, that’s called the personal representative. And we looked to see if there was someone who could help us with the nitty gritty details, the we’ll dive into it more, I’m sure. But, you know, dealing with utility companies or transferring things into the surviving spouse, which in this case is my mom and to her name, and we couldn’t find anyone. And so my mom was working full time. I was working full time, my brother was working full time. And there’s just so much that you have to do after after a death. And we wanted the support and we couldn’t find it. And so it took us about 18 months to settle my dad’s estate. And when we did and when we were done, my mom and I were talking and just saying, why isn’t this a field? It’s so necessary.

Kylee Bandy 00:03:10 There’s so many people who need help. And often when we do lose someone, it’s in the throes of normal life. Things happening. People have kids or other aging parents, or work other things going on in addition to taking on these big roles. And that was where the idea for me started, that, hey, maybe this is maybe this is an opportunity. It certainly felt like one for our family. And the more I talked to other professionals, other friends who had lost loved ones, the more it seemed like, yeah, this is really a necessary space.

Betty Wang 00:03:41 Well, I think I’ve helped clients when there’s been a death in their family, but my role is different than, as you said, the executor. And I think people don’t realize how much actual time it takes. How the process is is very imperfect, very quirky and very frustrating. And so when you’re grieving to add paperwork and roadblocks and processes that don’t make sense, it’s time consuming and it’s kind of soul sucking. Okay. Is that the right word?

Kylee Bandy 00:04:17 I think that’s the perfect word to describe it.

Kylee Bandy 00:04:19 I that’s that’s exactly how we felt. I actually a great example of that last week. I, I’m supporting a client right now and called to notify an institution that I won’t name, but notify them of the death of this person, notified them of the details that they needed to know, and asked where we could upload the documentation they needed the death certificate, etc. said this very clearly to the person on the other side of the phone and about 30s later they told me they needed to speak to the account holder who is the person who had died. And so imagine being a family member having to repeat over and over and over to customer service agents, and it’s not their fault they’re on scripts. However, for the grieving or the family, that’s really difficult. That was hard for us to have to repeat over and over. My dad has died, my dad has died, etc. and so that’s a task that we take on because as a third party, it’s it’s much easier to be able to deal with somebody versus when you’re grieving and really angry that the situation exists at all.

Kylee Bandy 00:05:17 And every institution has their own rules and regulations of what they need. What processes, as you mentioned, need to be followed, and it is hard to keep track of.

Betty Wang 00:05:27 What people also don’t realize is these different institutions, they have different processes. Not only that, but they also have different lingo. So if your loved one had accounts at different institutions, you’re having to understand and learn the different lingo and process for each of them. And again, possibly not speaking with somebody who is best trained. I don’t know what the but who’s working off a script? How about that?

Kylee Bandy 00:05:55 Correct. Yeah. Working off a script. Maybe they’ve never been through. Not that you have to have been through it personally to to have empathy in the situation. But but yeah, they’re ultimately they’re just doing their jobs and that doesn’t make it easier on the person on the other side of the call as well.

Betty Wang 00:06:09 So we sort of skipped ahead to the after loss professionals. We’ll backtrack to the legacy in a state organization, which is kind of prior to the loss of somebody.

Betty Wang 00:06:17 Can you tell us what a after loss professional is? And again, that’s how I found you. I was in a I happened to be in a study group with other financial planners, and they brought on an after loss professional who’s not in our state to talk about what she does and what they are. And I again was what you do. Can you explain that. What an after loss professional is and we’ll go from there.

Kylee Bandy 00:06:42 Absolutely. Yes. There there is a growing field of us, which is fantastic because I think, you know, the more of us there are, the more people we can support. But essentially an and after loss. Professional is someone that is supporting an executor, a personal representative, a family as they are going through end of life logistics really is what I call it. So that can be legacy preparation. That can be after a loss and dealing with all of that side of things. But think of us like your personal concierge, project manager, accountability partner as you’re going through all things having to do with aging and end of life.

Kylee Bandy 00:07:20 And so what we’re really trying to do is make it easier for you to provide that peace of mind on the legacy side, as well as providing peace of mind for your family members by getting things organized. And so we’re not providing legal advice, financial advice, but we’re working with those professionals to really create that comprehensive look for someone, as well as creating directories of things like where your digital assets, where are your financial institutions, what are your wishes for your burial, for your funeral, for your celebration? And so really taking that more holistic, 360 degree view of someone’s life to say, if something happened to you yesterday, what would the people in your life need to know that they don’t know? And often the answer to that question is everything or a lot because we know so much about ourselves. Other people know snippets of that, but not all of the details they would need to settle our affairs once we’re gone. So that’s a little bit more the legacy side. And then the afterlife side is working with families once the death has occurred, to kind of put those puzzle pieces together of, okay, what is the estate looking like? Let’s get in touch with an attorney.

Kylee Bandy 00:08:24 Let’s get in touch with any other professionals, financial advisors, etc. that may have been in the picture and try to create a roadmap of what steps need to happen next.

Betty Wang 00:08:33 So would you say that all afterlife loss professionals or after loss professionals also do the legacy in estate planning beforehand? Or is it because after loss professionals just sounds like you call them after someone’s passed away, but they should really be calling you beforehand. Or is that just your business and your services?

Kylee Bandy 00:08:54 Yeah. Great question. Many people. So there is a professional organization that we all are a part of, or that many of us are called Pals, professionals of after law services. And from the folks in that group, I know many of us do provide services both before and after, because they naturally do go hand in hand of, you know, if we’ve worked with someone after loss, maybe a widow, she may see the benefit of being prepared now because she’s going through what it looks like to not be prepared. And so then we work with her on the front end to get her affairs in order.

Kylee Bandy 00:09:24 So her adult children, or whomever it may be in her life, is not having to be the one to go through all the detective work of finding out what’s going on. So everyone runs their business a little differently. For me, my business is called After Loss Advisors. I, I started it because of my own personal experience after the death of my dad, and it naturally transitioned into including the legacy organization services because of that exact example of the more people I told what I did after a death, the more I realized what a huge opportunity it is to work with people to make sure that things are easier while we’re still alive. While we still have the capacity to write these things down, make these decisions, share them with the people who need to know them. And so it was just a natural transition to have both as a part of my services.

Betty Wang 00:10:10 Well, in control. You know, a lot of people want control of where their assets go. And working with someone like you in an estate attorney and their financial advisor, they’re all they’re professionals can really help lay that out so that what happens after you pass away is what you wanted to happen.

Kylee Bandy 00:10:30 So true. I am agreeing with you in full. I think autonomy is really important in life in a lot of ways. And this is this is one of those most certainly.

Betty Wang 00:10:39 So let’s talk about if someone contacts Yosemite, passes away and they decide that they need your services. So if you haven’t worked with them before, what does that look like? What does that experience look like for them?

Kylee Bandy 00:10:54 Yeah. So we offer complimentary consultations to anyone who wants to know more about our services, both before and after our loss. So that looks like, first of all, we can provide our services nationally. So we work with folks over the phone or virtual in a virtual capacity, and so we can meet with them via zoom, typically anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes. Just to really hear about what are you going through, what is the estate looking like, and trying to get a feel for what those details might look like, and vice versa, because this space is kind of new, really wanting to make sure that they understand the ways that we can and the ways that we can’t support had people reach out thinking that I may be able to help them draft legal documents or things like that.

Kylee Bandy 00:11:34 And that’s not an area of service that we can provide. But a big area of service that we do provide is connecting these clients to professionals that they need in other spaces. And so just being clear with them on what we do as well as understanding what their needs are. And in that call, we kind of can say, yes, I think this is going to be a great fit. And if it is the next steps from there we draft a little bit of of a project proposal, if you will. Hey, from the information you shared with us, I’m hearing that this is going to take about this amount of time. And based from there, we recommend certain packages that are hourly based to these people to work with. And should they choose to move forward with us, then we move into the the nitty gritty. We’re creating a customized task plan, that customized roadmap really to help walk them through not just the steps that they need to take, but how we can partner with them to get these tasks accomplished.

Kylee Bandy 00:12:27 And so there’s some things that the person representative executor has to be the one to do. But there’s a lot of things that we can do to get them three steps further ahead in the process to make it easier. You know, we can notify institutions of death, submit death certificates, get those the paperwork needed. And that way we’re saving them. You know, those initial 2 or 3 phone calls that for me, having called these institutions, I know the right words to say. I know the phone numbers to call. It takes me probably about half the amount of time it would if it were your first time calling an institution to notify of death. So we really then work on from that customized task plan, accomplishing tasks, and from there just having weekly check ins to make sure that everything is being stayed on top of and that the client is happy and we’re doing what we need to do to settle the estate.

Betty Wang 00:13:17 Have you found that clients or people seeking your services are surprised by how many hours it takes?

Kylee Bandy 00:13:24 Yes, and there’s some there’s some varying statistics out there.

Kylee Bandy 00:13:27 If you were to search, how long will it take to settle an estate? There’s varying things that you see, but it most certainly it takes a lot longer than people anticipate. And every estate is different, right? It depends on was there a will? Was there an estate plan? Are we working with a the trust? How many assets was a real estate? There’s so many components. So, you know, when people ask me, what is the average amount of time you work with someone, I can support averages. But on the after law side, as an example, I’ve worked with people as little as 15 hours and as high as a currently running 50 hours plus, and that’s just the support I’m providing in addition to the hours they’re putting in. So I know you mentioned 30 hours for your family members estate and.

Betty Wang 00:14:08 Yeah, we’re not done.

Kylee Bandy 00:14:10 I was going to say that that actually feels not too terrible to me. So yeah, it definitely ranges, but people are surprised by the length of time it takes.

Betty Wang 00:14:20 I mean, I think you and I talked about it when we met a lot of us who, you know, we think about the the loss of our parents or loved older loved one, but also we’re thinking about our children who are still minors. And I think we’re like, okay, well, just a family member will do it, right. You know, I have my brother. I have my sister, a friend, and you don’t realize how much time and effort you’re asking this person who again, isn’t in the business and also has probably has a job and a family of their own?

Kylee Bandy 00:14:57 Yes.

Betty Wang 00:14:58 Do you find that that’s becoming more and more of who’s reaching out?

Kylee Bandy 00:15:04 Yeah, definitely. I for me, my my most frequently served clients are widows or widowers. So those surviving spouses and for varying reasons, but mostly they may be working. So the grief is too much. There’s a lot of components that go into that. And then adult children. So to your point or a sibling.

Kylee Bandy 00:15:24 And so it’s those people who are in their working age. They have minor children to your point or children at all, whatever it may be. And they have a lot going on. And like you said, they don’t have any formal training in what it means to be a personal representative, because there really isn’t any right. They don’t have the bandwidth necessarily to take on all the tasks. These institutions that need to be called and dealt with operate on business hours. And so if you’re working full time and you have kids making the time to find or finding the time to make those calls is really difficult. So having a partner like an after class professional to be your support system through that time, not only to acknowledge what needs to be done, but really to get some of those initial tasks done, can take a lot off of someone’s plate when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Betty Wang 00:16:10 How do you manage the the group of professionals? Where do you fit into that? Because you are part of this team. And I’m sure for some clients you’re the lead, right? Which is great because at that time they need somebody to sort of take the ship and steer it in the right direction.

Betty Wang 00:16:30 What does that look like?

Kylee Bandy 00:16:32 Yeah, thank you for asking that. And I will use a commonly used phrase in our in our field. But it depends. And the reason I say it depends is because it’s really important to me and for us to work with clients in a way that feels best for them. So I’ve worked with clients who have said, hey, I want to take lead. I would like your support with these tasks and creating the task plan. And we run from there. Others say, hey, please take on as much as you can. I want you to be the point person with the realtor, with the attorney, with everyone that I need to be involved with because I just can’t right now. And so in that instance, that’s what we do with their written approval. We can have those conversations and take the tasks on with those professionals. So in that instance, I use the phrase where the quarterback of the situation, we’re working with the full team, but kind of being that conversation spearhead to express the client’s wishes and communicating back and forth with the client on those things as well, to make sure it’s still aligned with what feels comfortable for them, what feels right for them.

Kylee Bandy 00:17:30 Their involvement is still necessary in some spaces, of course, but really just trying to work with them to say, I know you’re going through it right now, We are here to support you as your partner, as the lead, as a backup, whatever feels best for you.

Betty Wang 00:17:43 How does that work? With all the financial information? You are here to sign a confidentiality agreement with clients and they give you access to certain things. Or how does that work with that with you?

Kylee Bandy 00:17:54 Yeah. So typically we’re not dealing with any of the sensitive information. So for credit cards for example we’re getting last four. We’re knowing which institutions are being worked with. We may know account numbers or necessary information to at least get us through the first phone call with a customer service rep to prove that we know the account we’re talking about. But we’re not getting values. We’re not making distribution choices, anything like that. That’s really where working with the financial team that the person has in place is important. And really at that point we’re notifying of death saying, how can I upload the death certificate depending on the different.

Kylee Bandy 00:18:29 Every institution has a different way they like it done. And so it’s more of that initial information that we’re helping to Contact, close or transfer or get the forms necessary to close or transfer. If there’s really, you know, investment decisions being made or distribution decisions being made. That’s where we feel like it’s so important for our clients to be working with an advisor, because we are not trained in that space. So we do not give advice in that realm more just taking kind of like the logistical tasks off of people’s plates in that space.

Betty Wang 00:19:00 And I imagine you work with elderly folk who have passed away, who maybe only had paper in various places. How does that work? If you’re remote, I mean, it’s it’s the client, then the PR or the executor who’s having to dig through that, and you’re telling them which pieces to find.

Kylee Bandy 00:19:23 Yeah. Yeah. And if they if they really would benefit from having that in-person support, that’s where having a network like the Pals network I mentioned earlier is so fantastic, because maybe there’s a partnership we can do if they if there’s someone in their city or state that can help with the in-person component, maybe they have an adult child.

Kylee Bandy 00:19:39 If it’s a widow or widower, maybe there’s someone in their life, a sibling, a child who can help kind of go through that paperwork, as you mentioned. Because when it is in person, locally, we can go to people’s homes if they want us to and help them dig through that. Do the empathetic detective work is a is a term someone in my space has coined to really help them find what is necessary to make that roadmap to move forward. Because sometimes after death, if there hasn’t been legacy preparation, a lot of what we’re doing is trying to put the pieces together, because maybe someone doesn’t know where the checking account was, was their life insurance policy, and if they weren’t working with a financial advisor ahead of time, those things may not be listed anywhere. So yeah, sometimes it’s just trying to find the pieces that need to create the map before even creating the map.

Betty Wang 00:20:27 I mean, I’m sure you’ve come in to lots of different situations and after loss Advising what’s a worst case scenario? And it doesn’t have to be a real life scenario, but what would that look like for you to go into a family and say, oh my gosh, this is going to be a lot of work.

Betty Wang 00:20:45 And right, we all get busy and it’s really estate planning is really not on people’s minds. And we’ll talk about that with the legacy and estate organization piece, of which I’m a big proponent. But, I mean, I think people don’t understand what a a big ball of yarn it is to unwind, right? Could you tell us a little bit of of what that might look like?

Kylee Bandy 00:21:09 Yes. I think in my example, I’ll probably pull together six different examples that come into one big ball of this hasn’t happened, but the individual components have. I would say first and foremost, when there’s not an estate plan in place, there’s no will. There’s there’s no directives about what they want to happen. That’s really difficult first and foremost, because then the people who are left behind are left behind to guess and have to deal with the legal system to get appointed, to be able to have the control, to make any actions on the estate. Also, when that doesn’t exist and attorneys can speak to this more, but when an estate plan doesn’t exist, the time that it can take to settle the estate often becomes much longer.

Kylee Bandy 00:21:48 Just there’s more steps, more processes to go through. So that would be what I would say is first, second, if that weren’t true, or even when there isn’t a state plan, if family members haven’t been notified about what the wishes were. So hey, we’re leaving this to this person and this to this person, or hey, your brother is the person representative, not you. And it maybe not you person was the oldest sibling who always assumed it would be. There can be a lot of emotions involved. So really clear communication from from us to the people who will be doing the things in our lives and the people who won’t be doing them can be really important to save future relationships and drama. I’d say after that, when we are looking at the accounts that we have, if beneficiaries and transfers on death. Payable on death. You may. Listeners may see the terms. Tod. Pod. That’s what those stand for. If those aren’t set up ahead of time. That also just creates more mess.

Kylee Bandy 00:22:40 And that’s if we even know what the accounts are to begin with. So if beneficiaries aren’t set up that just so and there isn’t a will in place again, that just adds to what needs to go through probate process. Which attorneys can be helpful with. And, you know, families can go through that process on their own. But I always advise seeking seeking attorney guidance, at least to begin with there. I just to backtrack a second, we’re talking about beneficiaries and accounts. Sometimes families don’t even know what accounts existed. And so they’re having to scramble to, like we said earlier, go through paperwork, which sometimes we don’t get paper statements anymore. But if there are paper statements, it’s going through paper statements. If if the family has access to devices like a phone or a computer, maybe they can access an email account that would show them statements or invoices or bills that are coming in. But that’s another big thing we see happen all the time is if someone has a locked computer and a locked phone and no one else knows how to access those things, we’re really scrambling to try to figure out even more.

Kylee Bandy 00:23:39 So where do we go from here? There are steps that can be taken. There are, you know, court orders that can happen to open iPhones, for example. But there’s just not sharing all of these details, the logins, the codes with the people who need them before we’re gone can create again, like you said, just this ball of yarn. A spider web of this needs to be true for this to happen. And if and then it just goes down the hill from there if we don’t have access to certain things. I could go on and on, but those are some of the big ones I think that I see logistically that are more often than not most frustrating for families because they can’t move forward without certain information or it becomes more difficult to do so. And we do have some tools in place. There’s there’s searches, there’s online searches that can help us discover missing retirement accounts and missing benefits and things like that. Again, it just takes longer. Sometimes it’s not 100% accurate. Sometimes the information that we need might be a year later that it’s uploaded, because the account hasn’t been accessed in a certain amount of time or otherwise.

Kylee Bandy 00:24:42 I’m sure you see that, too. What? On your side. Have you?

Betty Wang 00:24:45 Yeah. Well, I mean, I just think it’s a lot of detective work, right? For someone who’s already grieving, already busy with, you know, life. And so that’s. That’s hard. What do you. I guess we can start talking about the estate and legacy organization. Because, you know, I’m a huge proponent. I recommend to all clients that they have some sort of estate plan in place. I obviously don’t do any of the paperwork. I refer them to a licensed attorney. How do you help in that situation? And. Well, I have another question, but I’ll try to hold it.

Kylee Bandy 00:25:23 Yeah. Yeah. Great question. And again we we also don’t provide the legal advice. So making the connections to a licensed attorney if they don’t already have one is a big part of what we do. Or encouraging them to to get that. Will an estate plan in place? A trust based plan might be right for some people as well.

Kylee Bandy 00:25:42 And so once that’s set up, part of what we do and also financial advisors and attorneys, there’s some crossover here. But ensuring that things are titled properly. So if there is a trust, making sure that the properties are titled in the name of that trust is advised by the attorney. I worked with a family recently who had quite a bit of real estate, and they had had a trust for four years, and none of the real estate was titled. It’s in the name of the trust, so I won’t get into the nitty gritty of what that means. But again, it would just open it up to probate and headaches for the family surviving. How do we not court that? Really where I come in to do work that other professionals sometimes will do, but often don’t is helping to create those directories, as I mentioned earlier. So we’re talking about really lists and information that someone would need if something happened to us. So that can that can be a wide range of topics, including our financial accounts, our device codes, and access.

Kylee Bandy 00:26:39 On the digital side, our subscriptions, our logins, usernames, passwords I help them to set up password management systems, whether that’s in the cloud or in another version. That might feel better. I have people who use locked Excel files. There’s varying degrees of security, of course, but there’s also varying degrees of comfort with technology. So really, again, meeting people where they’re at and where they’re comfortable to get that component set up, we’re helping to talk about pet care plans, things like if something happened to me, I have two dogs, and if something happened to my husband, I both, what do we want to happen to them? What are their, their rituals? What do they like? What food do they eat? Who’s their vet? You know, things that.

Betty Wang 00:27:20 You’re a good dog, mom. Yeah.

Kylee Bandy 00:27:22 I really love my dogs. I want to make sure that if something happens to us, that they are well taken care of because there are fur babies. So.

Betty Wang 00:27:30 And that’s huge now.

Betty Wang 00:27:31 I mean, people are definite. They’re leaving trust for their dogs care or their pets care because they want to make sure that they’ll be okay as well.

Kylee Bandy 00:27:40 Exactly. And obviously within legal plans, there are components for for children or dependents where there’s guardianship, things like that. And that’s really important to work with an attorney on. But same thing with dependent and children. We work with families to make sure that their information is listed. What medical what medical information would someone need to know about the child if they weren’t able? You know, I would say most teenagers probably would be able to speak to that. But if they’re younger children, do they know what medications they take when they need to take them? Who is the pediatrician? What school information is necessary for someone else to know? So we’re going through, again, all of those details in someone’s life that are typically outside of the estate plan the legal side and still making sure that it’s listed somewhere. Where insurance policies, vehicles, things like that, that it’s just all written down in a component in a space that someone else could access it should they need to, and be able to pick up the pieces from there.

Betty Wang 00:28:38 Hi there. Hope you’re enjoying this episode of Betty Smart Friends. I wanted to share a quick money tip with you. The tip give each dollar a job. Give every dollar you earn a job. Some dollars will have the job of paying your taxes. Some dollars will have the job of paying your mortgage, others saving for retirement. But don’t forget that fun self-care or buying your precious time back are valid and important jobs for your money. The key here isn’t to judge the job or how much goes there. It’s to be mindful of where your hard earned money is going and to make adjustments if you discover it doesn’t align with your values and your goals. Hope you enjoy the rest of the episode. And remember, you’re not alone. Now back to the show. Well, I imagine in your role that it might be easier for, say, older dad to talk with you about these things and his adult child. It just is more businesslike and doesn’t seem as emotional. Do you find that a lot?

Kylee Bandy 00:29:49 I do, I would say I don’t know that it’s gender specific.

Kylee Bandy 00:29:53 I’ve actually had sometimes the opposite where the one spouse or another, I haven’t really had one or the other. I’ve had situations where one spouse is more comfortable talking about things than the other. Yeah, there are instances, of course, where one spouse maybe has more knowledge about a certain space than another, which is just one more reason that it’s so important to do the legacy and estate organizing because, you know, talk about another worst case scenario. I worked with a widow where her husband did everything financially. He knew all the logins, paid all the bills, handled everything, and she did a lot of other things for the family. That just wasn’t one of them. But when he was gone, that’s such an important concept and not just concept, such an important reality of our lives that finances are important. And that was a huge stress for her to figure it out. Thankfully, they were okay and we were able to figure out a lot of things to get them moving forward and work with a financial advisor to help do that.

Kylee Bandy 00:30:48 Yeah, but that is a space where if one spouse really is the owner of some of these areas, it’s it’s even more important for these things to be written down with clear instructions and shared with the other person.

Betty Wang 00:31:00 So I think when people hear after loss professional, they’re thinking, oh, this is for later. But I think what I’m hearing from you and I get the pushback from my younger clients as well that, you know, my stuff is not that complicated. Why do I need to do this? Like, when do you suggest someone reaching out to you to help with that legacy in a state organization. Yeah, because there are people who are like, well, I have a I have an estate plan. It’s done. But they don’t think about all these pieces that are so difficult after the loss of someone. The things that the will and the trust don’t encompass.

Kylee Bandy 00:31:39 Yes. To be perfectly blunt. None of us know when we’re going to die.

Betty Wang 00:31:44 What?

Kylee Bandy 00:31:48 I, I know, shocker, and obviously there’s statistics that lean more heavily to older and age, but but at the end of the day, we don’t know.

Kylee Bandy 00:31:57 And so not to not to play Fear Factor or put that into the role. But I think it’s just one of those things. We never know what’s going to happen to it. Maybe it’s not even death. Maybe you’re traveling out of the country and something happens where you can’t get back for a month or two. I mean, we just went through a global pandemic four years ago where a lot of unknowns that probably people, myself included, had never considered Became reality. And so this doesn’t just have to be death. This could be a short term incapacity due to illness or an accident. This could be being stuck out of the country. This could be a lot of different things, where it’s still important for someone to be able to pick up. Maybe not on managing your financial accounts, but on the pet care and childcare. There’s a lot of those components. And so my that’s my long answer. My short answer is, if you’re 18 and older and have autonomy in your life, there are things that people in your life need to know in order to handle that if those situations were to become true.

Kylee Bandy 00:32:49 That being said, most of the clients I actually work with who actually hire me are ranging probably middle mid 40s and up in the mid 40s are typically people who have have children or are kind of maybe they’ve gone through something with a spouse or a sibling where they’ve realized the importance of knowing that this should happen, and that’s where we’re getting started with them.

Betty Wang 00:33:09 What do you do if someone was looking to retain someone like you? What should they be looking for? Is the pal’s How’s accreditation? Like the gold standard or what do you think?

Kylee Bandy 00:33:20 That’s a great question. Yeah, I think first and foremost, I fully believe in the pilot program. I think that’s a great accreditation. We’ve all gone through training and we all kind of speak a similar language about how do our processes work, how do we provide really professional support to people in this time because there is sensitive information being dealt with. There’s also sensitive emotions being dealt with. So there’s a real level of empathy that’s required, I think, to have the conversations around both the legacy and estate organizing and the the after loss.

Kylee Bandy 00:33:50 Of course, people know there needs to be empathy in that space, but when I’m sitting down with someone in the legacy estate side and talking about their burial plans and what they would want to be, you know what how they would want to be remembered by. Sometimes these are questions that people have never really thought about. And so it’s important for them to know you’re in a safe space. We don’t have to talk about this today or at all if you don’t want to, but these are things that can help you talk through or get you connected with someone else who may be able to. So I think the accreditation is fantastic. Ultimately, you really want to make sure that when you are working with someone in this space, that it’s the the right personality fit to. Because just like I said, you’re going to be talking about a lot, working together on some sensitive things, and you want to make sure that there’s trust involved there. So I think asking for previous client testimonials, looking at accreditation, what is their background? How long have they been doing it.

Kylee Bandy 00:34:41 What’s their why? I think that matters for for everything in life. But why are you doing this? And for me, I shared it at the beginning, but I’ve been through it. I’ve been through it personally. I saw how hard it was to deal with the death when things were semi organized, but also in many ways not. And so that’s my inspiration to help people to not go through that, or if they are going through it, to make it a little bit more palatable.

Betty Wang 00:35:06 And is there a way for folks to kind of vet an after loss professional? On our side, we have Finra where they can check whether we have any convictions. Right. Like these sort of things where you’re talking about very personal, you’re sharing the most personal, intimate details of your financial life, which kind of colors everything. And I would assume that’s the same for you, where people are generally afraid of being taken advantage of, especially when they’re in a vulnerable spot. Is there a way that they can vet people other than, you know, of course, listening to your gut, but other ways online or however to to check to make sure that they’re with someone trustworthy?

Kylee Bandy 00:35:51 Yes, that’s one more benefit with the accreditation and going through that program is anyone who is a member of pal’s has been background checked.

Kylee Bandy 00:35:58 All of our business information has been checked. We have to have proof of our insurance as well to be a listed business member. So if you’re working with someone from the Pals network, you know you’re working with someone who’s had the background check, who has their legal documentation in a row And has their insurance in a row because again, God forbid something were to happen. You want to make sure you’re working with a professional who is insured and has cybersecurity and all of the different things that are necessary to be dealing with personal information. So I would say that’s kind of to your point. Earlier you mentioned like the gold standard. That’s what I would say the gold standard is for now. And as this space continues to grow and evolve, I think there will hopefully be more parameters in place to help clients know when they’re doing their own research of which profession to work with, who they’re getting into business with, or who they’re choosing to work with. So yeah, I think it’s a combination to your point.

Kylee Bandy 00:36:50 Trust your gut. But also, let’s make sure we’re working with people who have their ducks in a row.

Betty Wang 00:36:54 Well, I mean, I think at that point, any you’re vulnerable. It might be really hard to trust your gut at that moment.

Kylee Bandy 00:37:00 Completely.

Betty Wang 00:37:01 Who is a good fit for for you. I mean, they go to the The Pals website, which I’ll share in the the show notes And they find you. You practice in Colorado, but you also can help virtually. Who would be a good fit for you? Client wise?

Kylee Bandy 00:37:20 Yeah. So on on both sides, it’s someone who is willing to accept help. And that can be really hard in this space because sometimes we want to do it our own. But sometimes we’re fearful to get started and there’s a lot of anxiety that can come around that. So someone who’s willing to have that dialogue and knows that their support that they need and is willing to accept it, which for all of us can be difficult. Otherwise, I would say typically on the after loss side, I think it needs to be the person who has the legal authority to make the decisions on behalf of the estate.

Kylee Bandy 00:37:53 I can’t really support as much with the proxy work, if you will, with the notifying institutions of death, etc. If I’m not doing it on behalf of the appointed person. So if they aren’t appointed yet, when we get started working, that can be okay as long as we’re working towards that point. But in instances where there are five kids and they don’t know who’s going to do what. That might be a good place for me to advise them in that complimentary consultation of, hey, let’s get some of these steps done. And once this has once, you know, one of you has been appointed, let’s circle back and I can support you all in that space. But otherwise, as we kind of have talked through in our time together today, every person is so unique and every legacy organization is unique. Every after class is unique. So for me, it’s more so just the folks who desire the support to walk through this time in this space together. And ultimately, I would like to work with them to meet their needs and and do that in a customized way.

Betty Wang 00:38:48 You know, before I let you go, I also wanted to I thought this was interesting, that the legacy organization, we all have family members, loved ones. Maybe it’s ourselves that we have a house full of things and pictures and, you know, I think about it and we don’t know what we will do with that after. Right. And I think you and I talked about in our conversation that you will actually go in and help a family member or loved one organize their legacy in a way that feels meaningful and good to them. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Usually, a family member feels like it’s their duty to do that, but how nice to to outsource.

Kylee Bandy 00:39:35 Yes. Well, and I think while again, while we still have the control and the autonomy to say what we want to happen with our things, it’s a great time to do so. Because when we are gone and when someone is left to deal with our stuff, the physical, personal property, there can be a lot of guilt around that and a lot of just a lot of emotions around the things that we held close in our lives.

Kylee Bandy 00:39:58 I am guilty of this when my, my, my grandparents have passed away, my dad passed away. I’ve held on to things that I know were important to them because I can’t imagine throwing them away because they didn’t necessarily leave instructions for what they did or didn’t want to happen with them. And so what I work with people on, on the legacy side, while they’re still around to make the decisions and have that clarity, is have the conversations about is there someone that you feel really strongly that this should go to? There’s legal documents, there’s the distribution of personal property that you can actually fill out to make this happen. But outside of that, even of going through and saying, what would you want to happen with your clothes with this artwork? And I actually utilize a platform called artifacts. That is a really cool option for people in this space where we can take photos, upload images, videos, voicemails, voice memos about things that we may feel really strongly connected to. So that way our family is not just knowing that, hey, I want you to keep this item, but hey, I want you to keep this item and here’s why.

Kylee Bandy 00:40:57 And here’s my voice being recorded, telling you about this piece of furniture and how it was my great grandmother’s and I used to eat dinner using this, you know, on this table or whatever it may be, to tie some of the sentimentality into it. On the other side, for the things that we don’t care as much about, I think it’s equally important to let the people in our lives know, hey, this, of course, is part of my home in my life. But when I’m gone, please don’t feel guilt about donating it or selling it or trashing it if must be. That can just relieve a lot of the added emotional burden during an already emotional time for folks. So we just kind of help facilitate the conversations, put it in writing and share it with the family, whether it’s in writing or whether it’s in a family meeting type capacity, so they know ahead of time what to expect.

Betty Wang 00:41:46 Well, I imagine you’ve heard some really amazing family stories through that.

Kylee Bandy 00:41:51 Yeah, there’s actually a woman.

Kylee Bandy 00:41:53 And this this goes to something that’s not necessarily, physical property, but she’s an amazing chef in her own home. She’s not a chef professionally, but she could be. And she has all these recipes that she has in her mind, and she knows them by heart. She cooks from heart. But if something were to happen to her, her family and she this was her telling me this, her family would be devastated because she holds all of the holiday recipes, the the favorite cookies, the lasagna recipe, all of these things in her mind. And so that as we were working through what her legacy looked like, that was something that something that came up. And so now one of the projects we’re working on is creating that recipe book, and she’s hoping to gift it to her family this Christmas as kind of like a legacy project before she’s even gone, which I think is so beautiful. But again, just speaks to the things that we all know that other people may not know, that if we were to be gone again, who would know the lasagna recipe? That’d be so tough.

Betty Wang 00:42:47 It’s true. Well, I mean, food is such a yes human connection. And I have friends whose their most treasured legacies from their mom or their aunt or whomever are. These recipe books that are handwritten have splatters all over them, right? That or, you know. In your mom’s handwriting. And I think that’s really something that you might not think about unless you have a profession like you saying. Have you thought about these things? And I think that just opens your eyes to how many legacy items there are that have nothing to do with, with actual things or money?

Kylee Bandy 00:43:24 Yes, yes. So true.

Betty Wang 00:43:27 Okay. Well, thank you for sharing that. Is there anything I’ve missed that you would like to share with listeners? Any pieces of advice as we’re all kind of going through this life of where there is loss there, there are unexpected things.

Kylee Bandy 00:43:44 Yeah. I think to tie back to the question you asked earlier of, you know, what does a disaster scenario look like? There’s a lot of steps you can take ahead of time to prevent those.

Kylee Bandy 00:43:52 And we talked through some of what those look like. But one that I have a personal soapbox for is setting up legacy and emergency contacts on our digital devices and on the platforms we use. So there’s three very easy ones that can be done. And I’ll share the links with you so you can maybe put them in the show notes. But Apple and so that can be if you have an Apple phone, a computer, an iPad, if you have any Apple device, this should be done. You can set up a legacy contact. And that’s someone that if something happened to you, they would be able to access your iCloud information, which again can point towards what apps did you have, your photos, your voice mail, some of those more sentimental things, in addition to the apps that we use often, can provide that roadmap for where were we banking? Where did I have subscriptions to? Where was I shopping, things like that. So Apple is a big one. Meta is another big one and that is the parent company.

Kylee Bandy 00:44:46 Most people know this, but if you don’t, the parent company for Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and probably more. But those are the three. Those are three big ones. And again, being able to be the legacy contact allows you to memorialize those accounts. Close those accounts. Take action to make sure that there aren’t any fraudulent activities going on. Those that we so often see after someone has died.

Betty Wang 00:45:08 Isn’t that the saddest?

Kylee Bandy 00:45:10 It is. It is sad.

Betty Wang 00:45:12 And maybe you could share a little bit. I don’t think people realize that this after somebody passes away when the death is announced. It is prime time for criminals.

Kylee Bandy 00:45:25 It is. And it’s really unfortunate and a sad reality that does happen. But one more reason that working with a after loss professional can be a benefit we’re really honing in on. Hey, if there’s real estate, let’s make sure this is secured, because once an obituary is posted, or once neighbors even find out that someone has died, there’s there’s no telling, unfortunately, what’s going to be happening next.

Kylee Bandy 00:45:47 And so there’s some important steps that need to take with our physical lives, with our digital lives, to make sure that things are secured. I worked with a client who we were doing legacy preparation, but she shared a story that her sister had passed away and within three weeks of passing. At this time, the obituary. Had been posted online. They had had a funeral. Someone had already started creating fake accounts under this person’s name, because they knew it wouldn’t be flagged by the person and messaging folks. And so she, as the grieving sister, received a Facebook message from her sister who had just passed away three weeks prior. And again, talk about adding to grief and anger. That’s not helpful. So if if that person had had their meta account with memorialization settings and legacy settings set up, someone would have been able to have notified and at least put some stop to some of that fraudulent activity.

Betty Wang 00:46:40 And then you said there was a third thing before I so really cut you off. Sorry.

Kylee Bandy 00:46:45 Yes. No, not at all. And then thirdly, Google. Google is a huge one. I would say most people I know have at least maybe it’s not their main account, but something a Gmail account or they use Google Drive for photo storage, things like that. Also, a lot of Android phones are kind of monitored and managed by Google, so that’s a huge one as well to for folks to set up. So those are the three links that we’ll share in the podcast I’ll share with you, Betty. But they take, I would say, to set all three of those up, it’s going to take someone less than 15 minutes and can provide such relief to someone if they need to access it upon your death.

Betty Wang 00:47:20 That’s really good advice. Thank you. Thank you for sharing those tips. it’s things that we don’t think about, right? We don’t think about it at all.

Kylee Bandy 00:47:28 It is. And if you have kids, make your kids do it too. Because again, if your if something happens to your kids, God forbid, you want to make sure that you have access to devices.

Kylee Bandy 00:47:37 So I’ve worked with parents who have truly tragically lost children of any age but 18 to 26, and they can’t access the phone. And there’s so much information that they wish they could get from messages or devices to know what what had maybe happened.

Betty Wang 00:47:53 Oh well, I do ask all guests while you’re so busy. You have a child with one on the way. You have your building your own amazing business in an industry that requires a lot of empathy and technical skills. How do you stay centered for yourself?

Kylee Bandy 00:48:12 Yeah, I think my family helps with that a lot. We have pretty I don’t know that I would call them rituals, but things that we do every day that really ground me into when I’m home and being able to step into that family space. We walk the dogs together, we eat meals together. And I know that sounds so simple, but for me that’s just a really grounding space to be present. And, so that’s something that I love to do, just as simple as walking outside.

Kylee Bandy 00:48:37 We live in such a beautiful place here. I’m lucky to have some green space behind our neighborhood that we can go and feel one with nature, if you will.

Betty Wang 00:48:46 Well, I made this. A lot of families don’t aren’t able to have meals together, and it is such a blessing and a priority. You you make it a priority. So that is very special that way too.

Kylee Bandy 00:48:59 Yeah, I would say, you know, there’s moments with a two year old that having a family meal is is not so serene, but it’s the it’s. Yeah. To your point, we’re very lucky to be able to be together and to prioritize that time.

Betty Wang 00:49:11 And my other question that I asked folks is, you know, in retirement studies have shown that if you go into retirement, having a passion or a hobby that you love to do that you’ll be much more confident and happier during your retirement years. Do you have a hobby or passion that that maybe you don’t have a ton of time for right now, but that you do like to do that? That that maybe someday, yes, you would like to dedicate more time to.

Kylee Bandy 00:49:39 Yes. I, as many people did during Covid, started baking sourdough. And I love it, I really do, and I love baking in general. It’s it’s kind of been a tradition passed down through my mom’s side of the family. My grandma and my mom are both incredible bakers.

Betty Wang 00:49:54 Cause even here in Colorado, it’s so hard to do here.

Kylee Bandy 00:49:58 Yes, grandma. Grandma was in Nebraska, but mom is in Colorado, and she. She gets it done. I’m not nearly as skilled as she is, but that’s something. I think that given more time, I’d like to devote a little bit more, skill practicing towards, if you will. And I’m sure that the people in my life would appreciate it. Or maybe not, because I would be adding to their sugar intake.

Betty Wang 00:50:19 Yeah. What do you do? Eat it all. Or do you give it away as gifts or.

Kylee Bandy 00:50:23 Yeah, right. Right now I’m not making enough for it to be a problem, but, Yeah, probably gift a lot and freeze some and, eat too much of it.

Betty Wang 00:50:32 Do you always have a little starter in the fridge?

Kylee Bandy 00:50:35 Yeah. So with sourdough, I keep my sourdough in the fridge, and. And that just makes it so I don’t have to bake every two days. I know some people who feed their starter every day, every two days, however it may be. And again, with a business and little ones, if I bake once every two weeks or so, that’s a win for me right now. So that’s kind of how we do it.

Betty Wang 00:50:54 It’s like a little baby in your fridge, in your refrigerator.

Kylee Bandy 00:50:59 It is one that really does requires not a lot of attention. So I like that. Yes.

Betty Wang 00:51:05 Well that’s perfect. Perfect. Well, thank you so much for your time and for sharing with me. I really appreciate it. I think you shared a really a lot of good information today.

Kylee Bandy 00:51:16 Yeah. Thank you for having me. And I’ll just say if anyone wants to learn more. We’ve talked a lot about the the Powells website, Professionals of Afterlife Services.

Kylee Bandy 00:51:24 And in addition my website after Loss advisors.com has some free download resources for folks who may have experienced the loss. There’s a free after loss checklist that can be downloaded and other resources there as well.

Betty Wang 00:51:36 Is that the best way to reach out to you is through your website? Or do you prefer phone or another way.

Kylee Bandy 00:51:42 In any way that feels comfortable to the client? My phone number, my email are listed on the website, and they can also book direct time with me through my website through a calendar link. So all three of those options are available.

Betty Wang 00:51:53 Great. I’ll put that in the show notes as well.

Kylee Bandy 00:51:55 Perfect. Thank you Betty.

Betty Wang 00:51:56 Thank you. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Betty Smart Friends. I hope you enjoyed today’s conversation and that you learned something new. You can connect with us on social media to stay updated on future episodes. Share your thoughts and join our community of smart friends. You can find us on Instagram at Betty Financial, and don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode! If you are feeling ready to be more empowered and less alone in your financial life, please schedule a complimentary 15 minutes with me.

Betty Wang 00:52:34 The link is in the show notes. Please see the show notes for important disclosures regarding BW financial planning and this episode. Until next time, remember you are not alone. We got you.