EPISODE OVERVIEW:

Ever wonder what makes some young people bounce back from setbacks while others get stuck?

Betty dives deep with Jennifer Andrews, a youth resilience coach who’s cracking the code on helping kids and teens develop unshakeable inner strength.

In this powerful conversation, Jennifer reveals what resilience coaching really is (and why it’s not therapy), shares the three crucial skills every young person needs to navigate life’s curveballs, and explains how the right emotional vocabulary can be a complete game-changer. Plus, discover her approach to goal-setting that actually helps teens push through obstacles instead of giving up.

If you’re raising, teaching, or mentoring young people, this episode is packed with insights you’ll want to put into practice right away.

TIME STAMPS:

[1:58] Resilience Coaching

• Explanation of resilience coaching 
• Focus on values and personal challenges

[3:58] Challenges in Coaching

• Challenges for clients
• Generational differences in coaching

[13:04] The Coaching Process

• Overview of the coaching process
• How to conduct consultations

[32:12] Assessing Client Progress

• Evaluating client progress 
• Setting new goals 

[48:06] Levels of Coaching

• Various coaching accreditations
• How to choose the right coach

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

• The definition of resilience coaching – why it’s the missing piece in youth development that no one’s talking about
• Collaboration on goal-setting –  the collaborative goal-setting process that transforms how young people tackle challenges
• It takes a village 2.0 – how resilience coaches can team up with others to create a support network
• The resilience toolkit – practical strategies that help teens bounce back stronger from whatever life throws their way
• The support system revolution – why the way we help young people today looks completely different than it did 10 years ago

GUEST INFO: 

Jenn Andrews, Youth Resilience Coach

• Website
• Instagram  

RESOURCES:

• Join Betty in a free consultation call for your financial goals
• Subscribe to the Betty’s Smart Friends YouTube Channel
• Follow us on Instagram
• Visit my website for more info
• Follow us on LinkedIn

Betty Wang is an investment adviser representative of BW Financial LLC, a registered investment adviser registered in the State of Colorado. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training. The views and opinions expressed are as of the date of publication and are subject to change. The content is for informational or educational purposes only, and is not intended as individualized investment advice. This information should not be relied upon as the sole factor in an investment-making decision. You are encouraged to consult with a financial professional to address your specific needs and circumstances.

TRANSCRIPTION:

Betty Wang 00:00:06 There’s a saying that goes. You’re only as happy as your least happy kid. And it’s so true. When our child is struggling, it affects us so deeply. And this doesn’t stop when they become teens or young adults. As we’re entering graduation season, college graduates are facing a really tough job market. Many of these kids have never had to struggle with the constant rejection that goes with the job search. How do we, as parents best support our kids when they go through tough challenges like this? In today’s episode, we’ll be exploring how resilience coaching can empower our kids, young and old, with tools to help them thrive in the next chapter of their lives. Personally, I’m hoping to pick up a few tips for myself. 48 year olds need resilience training too. I’m Betty Wang, the host of Betty Smart Friends. I’m a certified financial planner who helps women be more empowered and feel less alone when it comes to their money. We’re so lucky to have Jennifer Andrews as our guest today. Jen is the founder and youth resilience coach at coaching.

Betty Wang 00:01:10 Jen’s mission is to support teens and young adults in identifying personal strengths, setting realistic goals, and developing problem solving skills. Jen’s career is dedicated to helping others empower themselves. Please welcome Jen Andrews to the podcast. Yay! Thanks for joining us.

Jenn Andrews 00:01:31 Thanks for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

Betty Wang 00:01:34 Yeah. Could you explain to us what exactly resilience coaching is? I think it’s it’s a new term for me.

Jenn Andrews 00:01:41 Yeah, it’s a new term. It was a new term for me too. So resilience coaching is essentially the process of getting clear on your values, understanding where you’re at and where you want to go. And the word resilience specifically is in there because I think it it really means that you’ve been challenged with something and it doesn’t have to put you in dysfunction, but that you’re struggling to understand yourself or having a hard time making decisions or move forward. And so coaching is kind of, you know, coaching is the process of empowering you to walk through that.

Betty Wang 00:02:22 How is that different than therapy?

Jenn Andrews 00:02:26 I get that question a lot.

Jenn Andrews 00:02:28 So therapy, whether you’re with a therapist or you’re with a psychologist, they work with people that are in dysfunction. So I like to think of that as you’re kind of frozen within yourself, whether it’s an anxiety in an issue with a person, your environment, something and and you’re unable you’re very stuck. And you’re whether it’s it can also be due to mental health issues or something more transient, but you’re you’re in dysfunction and not moving forward. Coaching. The coaching process begins when you have a handle on something like that and you are not in dysfunction. You are a functioning person. You are living your life out functioning. You don’t feel frozen, but you need help moving forward with some strategies.

Betty Wang 00:03:19 Can you give us some examples or like what kind of challenges do to folks come to you for?

Jenn Andrews 00:03:25 Yeah. So I work with a range of I literally say anything and everything. So, you know, I work with kids that have ADHD. I work with adults that have ADHD. I work with parents that are having trouble parenting anxiety, social difficulties with whether it’s teens or young adults understanding how to make big life choices, right? We teens are having a hard time understanding what to do after high school.

Jenn Andrews 00:03:56 Not everyone wants to go to college. Or maybe you’re having a hard time even just getting yourself organized to apply to college. Finding a job you could be, you know, having gone to a wonderful, amazing school and you’re finding yourself entering this very bumpy job market and not sure which way to turn so it really can, there’s really no end to what goals we can set. But a lot of people start out thinking they need one thing, and we end up targeting a completely different, area.

Betty Wang 00:04:30 Here. I think our parents. I’m sure you and I like growing up. We went through these times where we didn’t know what was next. So the resilience coaching seems like maybe it’s a newer strategy, a newer process. How do we think of it? Because it’s going to be different for us. Growing up where we were told, suck it up, buttercup and figure it out yourself. And that’s part of learning and growing up.

Jenn Andrews 00:04:57 Yeah, I mean, I you and I talk about this a lot.

Jenn Andrews 00:05:01 I do not recall my parents. They were supportive, but I had no help in deciding much. Right. I remember a high school college counselor saying, what are you doing after high school? And I remember saying, well, I think I’m going to college. And that was my goal. And where do you want to apply? I had no idea how to apply. I had to figure all of that out on my own. even through college, finding figuring out my major, deciding things about my social life, my sport. You know, any of these? I, I think that generation before us, those baby boomers. I just I don’t think that they were as open and maybe self-reflective as our generation is. And maybe we’re that way because they weren’t right. But regardless, now here we are. And we’re investigating. Even at 48, 49, 50, we’re investigating ourselves at a deeper level than they really knew how to. And now we have the generation behind us, our our children, who are looking towards us to help support and guide.

Jenn Andrews 00:06:09 Right. I like the idea that the different generations are more inquisitive and more self-reflective, and it’s kind of coaching, I think came out of the need for more support. Right. But maybe not from a point of dysfunction like therapy is. Right. They might just be having a bump in the road. That right. And and how can we take where we are and support them and empower them to move forward. And it’s more about gaining a skill set than it is treating a disease a mental health disease. Right.

Betty Wang 00:06:46 And do you feel like our kids coming through traditional schooling. They don’t have these skills for whatever reason.

Jenn Andrews 00:06:54 I think there’s just so much more expected of them. I mean, even yesterday for my own child, yesterday, the amount of tests with his SAT trying to find a job, getting ready for prom, I mean, the social, you know, having to go here, this tutor, that tutor, I, I didn’t know how he got through his day. I mean, and I, I know it’s like I’m sure we did did this right to some degree.

Jenn Andrews 00:07:19 I just think that coupled with social media coupled with the level of expectations of performance. Right. You know, it’s just different than what we had. Right. And, and and that it’s projected for everyone to see. Right. There’s no privacy anymore. Right? It’s not that you could just go to school and have your life and kind of be it it’s projected to everybody. So this this level of pressure is something our generation did not have, thank goodness. But I feel so bad for them, right? I mean, they can’t get away with anything and they’re just always in the spotlight or always trying to keep up. And it’s a lot, it’s a lot. It’s a lot for people that don’t have mental health issues. Right. So it’s just a a lot of stressors, a lot of pressure. And my job, I feel my job is just to continue to empower them to find strategies that work so they can get through, not just this one that they’re coming, you know, to me for, but the next one, the next hurdle, the next hurdle.

Jenn Andrews 00:08:26 Right. That’s where resilience comes in. Right. So they’re going to that’s life. They’re going to keep getting knocked down. Right. Or or setback or they didn’t get a scholarship. They didn’t get into this school. This person broke up with them. How do we rebound. How do we come back right. And move forward.

Betty Wang 00:08:44 Yeah. How do we do that.

Jenn Andrews 00:08:46 So in And coaching. Coaching? in general, I can just go through how how I work with my clients, right? So, you know, when they come to me, I always do a consultation because I think meeting a coach and and making sure you connect to somebody is, is just just like any therapist even really. Right. Or teacher or tutor. It’s the same thing. You got to have a connection, right. And a lot of people don’t understand what the process of coaching is. So I go ahead and I explain that and really make them understand they are in control of this process. I’m really not leading right.

Jenn Andrews 00:09:22 This process is them leading themselves. I’m just kind of the rails and and if I do my job right, they actually don’t need me later on. Right? Because I’ve, I’ve worked with them on strategies that they feel empowered with to use it later. Right. So so we go through this consultation and if they agree to sign up, we have an initial session and we go through some what I call surveys, and we check on their well-being, which are questions like how? How is your self awareness? Right. How’s your safety level? How’s your time management? How are your relationships with others? Right. And we kind of go through this today picture of themselves. And then I go through another survey with them that talks about what do you value. You’re out in the world. What do you value in yourself? What do you value in others. Right. Is it loyalty? Is it honesty? Right. Is it trustworthiness? And these are words that they know. But a lot of people don’t use this vocabulary.

Jenn Andrews 00:10:23 And in this includes adults and and teens and young adults that I work with. Emotional vocabulary is not used a lot. And they’re basic words we use. Remember that chart in like kindergarten that had all the faces on it, right? It’s like we can see it there, but we don’t we don’t employ it. And so we work a lot on identifying some of the emotions and some of the places they’re at and those values. And then we combine those two. Where are you at and what are your values and how can we create goals based on those? Right. What do we really need to work at? Sometimes they come in and they’ll say, well, I have ADHD and I’m doing horrible in school. And they, you know, the parents and the child think, okay, we’re going to we’re going to talk about some strategies. And of course we do. But ultimately what always comes out is an emotional response based on what they’re trying to attain. Right. What the goal is. Right.

Jenn Andrews 00:11:19 How it’s making them feel. And if you can kind of get learning through some strategies about how to identify that emotion, understand it, bring it to a level of awareness. And now you’re at kind of ground zero. What are some strategies that you’ve used in the past? How can we get to that goal over there. And then let’s talk about ways to implement that in your daily life. You know. And then that kind of closes out a session. And then when we come back the next session, they give me a check in. Well, how did how did that strategy go this week? What did you do? What did you experience? Was it scary to implement it? Did you feel confident in it? And we kind of break that down and then say, all right should we keep working on this or do you feel like you have a handle? They can choose another goal that we’ve set. They can keep going and it just keeps going like that. A lot of questions of.

Jenn Andrews 00:12:08 Tell me more about how you experience this now. Tell me how you’ve experienced it in the past. And tell me what do you want for it in the future? Right. And we’re we’re doing this present past future. Look, look backs look forwards so that they can understand that there’s a difference in each of these stages. Right. But always how do we move forward?

Betty Wang 00:12:33 What a I mean, it seems like everybody should go through something like this, right? Like what? Age is like ideal. Is there an ideal age to. I mean, obviously. I think our values and our emotional space changes as we age. Especially with teens and young adults right there. This is their formative years, but there’s still a base there to work with where they could at least start building the blocks earlier.

Jenn Andrews 00:13:03 Yeah, I totally and I think it’s going to depend on the kid. I’ve worked with a 13 year old who was extremely self-aware and had amazing emotional vocabulary. Right. Really could express herself. And then I’ve worked with 30 and and 50 year olds that have no idea really what their values are.

Jenn Andrews 00:13:25 They’ve never had that conversation where it’s really hard for them to understand that side of themselves. And so it really depends on the person. I find if I’m given a general age, I would say I would target 15. Right. I think you can work younger. I think it takes a special kid to really be very self-aware. Right. You got to have that metacognition, right?

Betty Wang 00:13:49 Can you explain to to those of us not in your field what metacognition is?

Jenn Andrews 00:13:53 Matter is the awareness of self, right. And the and that around you how you’re functioning within you and your environment. Right. How they interact. And and so understanding that relationship how am I perceiving myself. How how am I coming across and being able to put words to it. Man, that’s a lot, right? That’s a big that’s a big ask. So I find that at 15 developmentally that that’s pretty well set. And they might not be scholars at it, but they have an aptitude for it. Right. They they can do it especially with some guidance, you know, 15 on up, you know.

Jenn Andrews 00:14:34 But again, I find a lot of people that just don’t have the skill set and really need to just start from even below ground zero, right? And just start to understand basic vocabulary of emotion words. What does it mean to be happy? What does that mean to be sad? Right. And and they might have come in for. Yeah. I’m not getting along with my sister. This is really impacting my life. How do I work through this? Well, if they can’t understand how they’re feeling. Right. And identify that even just linguistically, then how are they supposed to remedy the relationship?

Betty Wang 00:15:11 So you don’t just work with teens, you work with like all ages, but but probably no one younger than 13 ish.

Jenn Andrews 00:15:20 Yeah, I, I think, you know, my, my sweet spot starts at about 15, you know, and and goes up I, I say I work with, you know, teens, young adults, parents of teens. It ends up. I’ve had clients come about because they’ve come to me for their kid and then we’re actually working together instead of me with the kid.

Jenn Andrews 00:15:40 Right. And and we’re working on issues that have to do really nothing directly with the kid, but of course can support. Right. The relationship. Right. So I’m a youth resilience coach because that’s kind of my sweet spot. But as I’ve moved on in this career, I found that this coaching helps everybody. Right. And and I’m that’s I just want to be supportive as possible in this in this career.

Betty Wang 00:16:07 So do parents usually come to you first? I imagine it’s not because a kid wouldn’t know. Like obviously I need resilience training, right? It’s more I mean, and and I don’t know that I would know. Right. What kind of problems or issues come up where a parent should say, okay, you know, we’ve we’re exploring options. Maybe resilience coaching is something I should think about. Like what kind of things are these parents seeing and their kids lives or their the struggles that say, okay, maybe we need a little support.

Jenn Andrews 00:16:38 Yeah. Yes. When it comes to, I would say teens that are, you know, in high school or even early college, you know, or college level.

Jenn Andrews 00:16:47 Yes. There’s a lot of times it’s the parent coming to me. They’re finding me. Word of mouth. Friends of friends online. You know, through websites. It’s been all different ways. But yes, initially a lot of times it’s the parents. The older they get, you know. I’m finding now that I’ve been doing some work within at different colleges here in the Denver metro area, that just to introduce people to what coaching is and how coaching can help them. And, and the question is always is this therapy. Right. And so we talk a lot about the differentials of those two things how they can complement each other as well. And so some college students are finding me independently right through that. I think the older you are the more you’re going to look for services that might help you independently of a parent right there. But, you know, teens and young adults. Yes. It’s mostly through the parents.

Betty Wang 00:17:42 Well, I’m thinking of some of, you know, colleagues, friends who have their kids are out of college but are still I mean, we read about that in the financial news, like a lot of kids live at home.

Betty Wang 00:17:53 They’re very, they don’t want to leave the nest. They’re very comfortable with their parents. And it’s it’s this failure to launch which kind of has a bad connotation. But is that something that you help with, or is that something that you see commonly?

Jenn Andrews 00:18:10 You know what I’m seeing from the kids that are about to graduate and who graduated last year? It’s about 5050. I mean, I’m seeing some kids have to move home because they just haven’t found anything yet but really want to move out. And some kids, yeah, want to stay home and make money, you know, and then live at home because I can save it and then have other goals like, oh, I want to buy an apartment or, you know, a condo or something. And so I’m going to stay here for a few years and then move on. And some that just really have no drive or no real plan. And that’s where the concern starts to be. If you have a plan that feels a lot better to the parent, if there’s no plan, that’s where things get a little tense and the parents start getting concerned and right.

Jenn Andrews 00:18:55 So I see both. I see all of it.

Betty Wang 00:18:57 And so it’s like with that kid who has no plan, how do you help in that situation?

Jenn Andrews 00:19:05 Well, first off, they have to want to work, right? That you have to be coaching ready, right. You have to want to understand yourself, understand your predicament and and want forward motion. And so I have come into contact with obviously some parents who do want their kid to engage with me. And then you get on with the kid and, you know, or the young adult, and they’re not really interested, right? They’re they’re fine where they’re at. And until they’re ready to make a change and really understand, you know, that that they can make a change. There’s no, there’s there’s not really anything I can do to help. They really have to want to be part of the process. It’s their process, right? It’s not me doing it for them. They’re. They’re the ones in the process, right?

Betty Wang 00:19:54 I mean, that makes sense.

Betty Wang 00:19:55 It’s it’s like. It’s like anything. Right? Yeah. I can’t make you do things that are financially sound and right. I can advise you and tell you the repercussions and pros and cons, but it is. You got to make your own decisions.

Betty Wang 00:20:15 And so that’s.

Jenn Andrews 00:20:16 A place that I can insert then. And I offer my services to the parent then. Right. What are you doing that fit that doesn’t fit you in relation to this child that’s living in your home, right. And doesn’t have any goals for himself or herself. And. And what are you comfortable with and what are you not? Let’s identify those. What are your boundaries? Right. There’s work there that can be done. Right. But but again, they also have to want to change or or right modify some situation or look within.

Betty Wang 00:20:47 Do you see it more commonly with you know, male children like to with boys like less who know it’s kind of.

Jenn Andrews 00:20:58 I’m not I’m getting I’ve got a pretty, you know 47 for maths.

Jenn Andrews 00:21:04 Not good with me. So 47, 53 is that, is that right for you? Right. you know something in that realm, I it’s it’s it’s pretty close. 5050. I’ve got girls and boys on my caseload. Women and men.

Betty Wang 00:21:21 Hi, there. Thanks for listening to Betty. Smart Friends. Here’s a quick money tip that I share with clients. Automate your savings. Set up automatic transfers to your savings accounts to ensure you consistently save a portion of your income. This can help you build an emergency fund and save for future goals without having to think about it. Remember, you’re not alone. Now back to the show. What strategies? Let’s say the kid wants to figure things out. Like, can you give us examples of different strategies or guardrails that you set up for them?

Jenn Andrews 00:21:59 Yeah. so let’s let’s take like an example of a client with ADHD. Right. And the teen might come in and say, I’ve been identified as ADHD. I’m really struggling in school. I don’t like, you know, science.

Jenn Andrews 00:22:18 I do like social studies. Right. And and I need help here. I don’t need help here. Right. You know, and they think it’s specific, right? But meanwhile, I can’t get them to attend an appointment. Right. So there’s obviously some time management issue right. Or something. So you know, we can talk about it’s really about the why. So my my direction and my guardrail. So so to speak the rails are questions I ask them. Why do you think you missed this appointment. What was it about that appointment. Did you get nervous? Was it overwhelming? Was it right too much in the day? Did you just shut down? Were you exhausted physically? Were you. And and first and foremost, we got to identify that. Why? So a lot of my questions are tell me more why tell me more why? What have you done before? What do you think might work and what what holes could come in and shoot up that plan, right. That that you think you know of of the strategy that might work.

Jenn Andrews 00:23:21 Let’s think of the breakdown to that. You know, we think this is a great strategy, but what if it isn’t? And and kind of doing some problem solving, right. And analysis around that. It’s just me asking them questions so that they can sit and think and pause and hold in that space to really identify their reasoning and their actions.

Betty Wang 00:23:43 And then you sort of note what you’re going to try for the next week or.

Jenn Andrews 00:23:49 Yeah. And so then once they give me an answer, I was scared, right? I didn’t know how this session would be. And I would say something like, okay, well, let’s let’s think of what how we can make it not scary, right? Let’s say you come in and I give you a, you know, this well-being survey to do, but it’s too much, right? You just don’t want to do it on your own. What are some ways that would help alleviate that stress? Oh, well, I could do it. I could ask you if you would do it with me.

Jenn Andrews 00:24:18 Oh, absolutely. Let’s do it together. Right. And so then, now we’ve moved over the hump of this work that they perceive is work and scary right now a togetherness, right? We’re going to do this together. This isn’t a big deal. This isn’t homework, right? I’m just trying to help you identify things. Right. So now you know, now for the action item at the end of that session, I might say. So now getting you to the next session, what will make you feel not scared right. To show up. Right. And then we move through a couple strategies for it. And I say pick one and they’ll pick one strategy. And I might even send them a text. I like to send my my clients texts. And remember, here’s our appointment time. You were working on this strategy, right? And then hopefully, ideally in an idyllic world, they come back and I say, did it work? And they say, yes, I’m here, or no, that didn’t work.

Jenn Andrews 00:25:09 My mom forced me into the chair, you know something? And then away we go again, right? To talk about it, understand their their emotions, understand if they did make it and that strategy worked. Yay! Awesome! Let’s hold that one. Let’s see where else we can apply it. Right? Maybe we can apply it to science because you don’t like science. Walking through that door of science, knowing you’re going to feel overwhelmed, right? And it really is about identifying the emotion, being aware of the emotion, finding a strategy to get them past the negative emotion right and then putting it into place and seeing if it works and if it doesn’t work, it’s okay. We’ll come back and we’ll find a new strategy.

Betty Wang 00:25:52 Then let’s go. How long do you typically work with these? I mean younger clients.

Jenn Andrews 00:25:57 So if they’re if they’re teens, let’s say in high school. You know, ideally it’s going to be a, you know, a 4 to 6 month period. You know, at the low end, a lot of times once they get in, you know, they find that it really helps.

Jenn Andrews 00:26:14 Right. And it just takes a bit to get going. Typically because they have to understand the process right. Each session is about 45 50 minutes with a check in. Studying the goal. Coming up with some strategies. Kind of working through that and the emotions of that. Finding some holes in the strategies. Problem solving again. Are we sure the strategy works? Yes. Let’s have an action item revolving around that strategy. And off you go. And I’ll see you next week. Right. And once they get that process and they’re not threatened by it and they’re not scared of it, they tend to really like it. And and they tend to start applying it to other places. Right. So for those younger kids, I would say 4 to 6 months sometimes, you know, adults can go faster, sometimes longer. Right. It really depends on the client. My goal is genuinely to not have you need me. My goal is to empower you to have those strategies to use and feel confident, not just for the one issue, but for how, how ever else it can be applied.

Betty Wang 00:27:16 And how does that work when you’re kind of when they’ve really mastered or gotten really good at the skills, like what framework do you set up for them? Because imagine, like, do you do you start tapering down on sessions or do you have them make an appointment with themselves every week or however often to continue?

Jenn Andrews 00:27:37 We could do a check in in terms of how how is it feeling? You know, these were your goals, right? I just did this last week with a girl. So, so hey, we’ve been working together for eight months, and, you know, these were your goals. I want to read them back to you. And I want you to kind of let’s let’s assess. I want you to assess how do you think you’ve done right before you were feeling this this was a goal. Where what are you feeling now? Right. And we kind of do this just, you know, based on some, evidence. Look, you you put this into motion with this, this and this, right? That’s evidence based, right? They get they get actual examples of how they they’ve kind of cleared up the issue.

Jenn Andrews 00:28:16 Right. Move forward. sometimes that morphs into a different goal. Sometimes that goal moves over and we don’t need to look at it again. Right. And then they kind of assess. Yeah, I think I’m good here. Right. I think these are the three I wanted to do. I feel good, I have nothing else to work on. Great. You know, it’s been awesome working with you. You always can come back. And the process kind of, you know. or maybe they want to set new goals because now something else has come up. Totally unrelated. Right? It’s variant per per client.

Betty Wang 00:28:44 And what about let’s like the example that I was going through of these kids who are graduating and have had very little rejection. Right? They’ve thrived at college. They’ve thrived at high school. They were, top of class, you know, sports athlete. very little rejection. And now they’re coming into this world where it’s very hard to get that first job right?

Jenn Andrews 00:29:15 Right. And this.

Jenn Andrews 00:29:17 And this. sense of self that they’ve had. Right. Coming from maybe a community, right, that thinks of them in a certain way and this. Right. And then therefore, their, their impression of themselves is one thing, and then they turn to the outer world. Right? They’ve been in this educational bubble, right? The bubbles of college and home and high school and and now they’re turning to the big scary world, and no one knows them there. Yeah. Right. And how to apply that same confidence. How did you get here to start? Let’s use those skills to turn and project ourselves into the future. Right. And really helping that kid also identify his his skill set his or her skill set. Identify these. This isn’t working. I’m trying this over and over, and it’s not working. Well, let’s break it down. What do you think is missing right in the interaction that you’re having in those interviews, or how are you sending out the resumes or who are you networking with? We we got to find those holes, right? And a lot of times it comes to I, I know I need to be doing this and I’m scared to do this.

Jenn Andrews 00:30:27 This is out of the box for me. I’m not good at this. Right? Maybe it’s reaching out to people you don’t know, right?

Betty Wang 00:30:35 Yeah. How can you help a 48 year old with that? It’s ingrained. Right? It’s hard.

Jenn Andrews 00:30:41 Right? Is that right? Right, right.

Jenn Andrews 00:30:43 It’s. It’s ingrained. It’s very hard to move on past and and and when it’s, you know, you’re risking rejection, right? We’re all risking rejection. It’s and and yes, you might get rejected. Right. And then to say on to the next right understanding that didn’t feel great. I didn’t like it. But I’m going to persevere. Resilience. Right. It really is about that one didn’t work out. There will be a door. I’m going to change it up a little bit and see if this helps. And if that didn’t help, we’re going to change it up again and see if that helps. Right.

Betty Wang 00:31:16 Well how do you coach them through when they’re getting super discouraged?

Jenn Andrews 00:31:20 You know I really like to acknowledge this sucks.

Jenn Andrews 00:31:24 Like right. I don’t I don’t love.

Jenn Andrews 00:31:28 You know, cheerleading them as much. You know I can encourage I encourage I’m encouraging. But yeah man that that sucks. I’m so sorry. Right. And just meeting them where they’re at, if they’re discouraged, it’s okay to be discouraged. Right. It’s it’s you’re not feeling because you feel discouraged that that was just the emotion you were having at that moment. But can we wake up tomorrow and maybe try something new? And maybe that makes us feel a little more hopeful, right. Is there just even the an ounce of shred, an ember of hope in a possibility of something, of doing something new? Right. It can. Can you feel it? Can you sit in that sense of something new. Maybe there’s hope. And then can we move forward? Right. It’s okay to be discouraged, though. You got to let them feel that. It’s not always going to work out.

Betty Wang 00:32:20 Yeah. The concept of possibilities. I forget where I heard it on a podcast or read about it somewhere where I was just talking about even we as older adults, when we’re in such a climate where it’s very divisive.

Betty Wang 00:32:36 If we open ourselves up to more possibility and not kind of dive into our whole that that that gives us more, that gives us some hope and a little bit of, oomph. Right? A little bit of that.

Jenn Andrews 00:32:55 Yeah. It’s it’s the hope goes a long way. Just a little tiny sliver of it goes a long way. Right? It’s the maybe. And why not try on the maybe, right. you know, and there’s the differential between someone who’s really in dysfunction, who can’t try on the maybe that’s a different subset, right? Versus people who are in function and are willing to try on the maybe. Right. But you gotta have the self-awareness, right? You got it. You got to be able to say, I’m not really comfortable there. And you know, and why am I not comfortable there? What happened in the past to make me not comfortable there? What do I want to change about that? Right. Even just something as asking somebody for help. Hey, I’m going to buy your time here and and and ask you some questions.

Jenn Andrews 00:33:43 And you’re probably you’re probably going to think that these questions are, you know, stupid or silly or. Right. We’re so judgy on ourselves, right? We’re so, so scared. And and yet most times when you do push through that people love to help and then you find, oh, I don’t know what I was so scared of. Right. And you kind of the more you do it, the better you get, right? And you’re proving to yourself Solve what I thought isn’t so. It’s just what I thought.

Betty Wang 00:34:11 And now, like, let’s kind of jump to the parents. So let’s say like, there’s such a line. I mean, I think a thin line between enabling and support. Right. How do you kind of figure that out when you’re meeting with somebody or is it very clear I don’t know. Right.

Jenn Andrews 00:34:31 Because don’t we all deal with that as parents?

Jenn Andrews 00:34:33 That is a fine line. And so so I’m just.

Jenn Andrews 00:34:37 It is a hard balance for each of us to empower and not do for.

Jenn Andrews 00:34:45 Right. To suggest. Plant a seed and let’s let the kid water it or not. Right. It’s it’s the understanding that you can’t, you know, as the parent, your goal is what? Personally, I want my kids to be functioning adults. Right? I don’t want them relying on me. I want them off my bill. I want them out of my house. I want them right as much as emotionally I don’t. I love them, I love them here. But as functioning adults, that’s my hope for them. So is it best if I write their letter of, you know, or their their college application essays for them, right, because they’re too lazy or they don’t know what to write, or I’m a better writer. Right? Is that going to help? Right. Or maybe they’re going to do it and maybe they won’t get into that college, right? This, this that we’re aiming for. But they did it on their own and they got into some other college, and they’re feeling really confident that they were in charge of their process.

Jenn Andrews 00:35:42 It’s these are the fine lines that we’re all walking through. Right? So when I work with a parent, I really have to understand that parents values. I have to understand that parents goal for the child and and work within that framework.

Betty Wang 00:35:58 That’s got to be hard.

Jenn Andrews 00:36:00 Sometimes it’s it’s right. But I’m not in a place I can. I can sit in a place of. It might not be what I do, right? It might not be what you do, but it’s what they’re doing. And there’s a million reasons why they think that’s right. And that’s that’s their choice again, that’s their choice. This whole process of coaching is me just empowering them to feel good and and find ways to help themselves and, and then help their child. Right.

Betty Wang 00:36:33 So how do you work with other professionals? And I imagine some of your clients also have therapists or career coaches or, you know, college coaches. I mean, how does that where do you how do you fit into that circle or do you even connect with them at all?

Jenn Andrews 00:36:51 So.

Jenn Andrews 00:36:52 I have a couple clients that yes, that that is helpful. Some of them work with therapists outside of me, which is a great combination to to be in therapy and to have coaching at the same time, I think is is a magnificent process. So as long as the client and or the parent, depending on the age, give me permission and see value in it, right then it makes sense for me to connect to them. Sometimes there’s not always value, right? Sometimes, you know, and sometimes they don’t want me to. So it’s it’s I very, very much value my client’s privacy. And if I know they’re working with somebody else, if I know that. Right. even if it’s a math tutor. Right. Something. Even that math tutor understanding. Hey, listen, this would be helpful information for them to have. Would you like to share that? Or do you want me to share that? Do you want Mom and dad to share it? Do you not want it to be shared? They have to empower these choices and decisions.

Jenn Andrews 00:37:51 But yes, that’s always been something I’m capable of doing, I enjoy doing. But first and foremost, their privacy is of the utmost concern. So it’s up to that client.

Betty Wang 00:38:01 Yeah. I mean, they’re teens, I imagine they don’t want. They don’t want a lot of their business out there, especially if it’s different than their friends.

Jenn Andrews 00:38:10 Yeah.

Jenn Andrews 00:38:11 And they have to come into the process trusting me that what they say is between us. And I always say to the parents and to them, you know, under 18 especially. Right? What you share here is private, right? This is between you and I. Unless there’s something that, you know, you’ve said to me that, you know you’re going to hurt yourself or others, right? Something of that nature then, by law, by certification. Right. I’m, I’m bound to get help. Right. And, and share that information. But other than that, it’s it’s a very private process and I just I value that first and foremost.

Jenn Andrews 00:38:50 And I like to make sure they really understand that, you know, this is this has to be a safe space or they’re not going to really be honest and do the work.

Betty Wang 00:38:58 So tell me about the accreditations that you have to become a coach, a certified coach, and what should people look for if they’re not able to work with you for whatever reason?

Jenn Andrews 00:39:10 I think, well, so I have accreditation through the International Coaching Federation. There’s different levels of coaches depending on how long, how many classes you’ve taken. I, I have my career has been longstanding and that I’ve worked with. I’m a speech pathologist and accredited through American Speech Hearing Association. And coupled with this coaching certificate I’ve kind of blended the two together. Right. So that’s kind of my area of specialty communication. Right. And the dysfunction of with this kind of understanding of self setting goals and forward motion. Right. And so there’s lots of different accreditations. There’s lots of different places somebody can get a coaching certificate. I went through ICF because it was the gold standard.

Jenn Andrews 00:40:00 So, you know, you can become certified in all sorts of areas as a coach. You can become certified very specifically in something like where they just work with clients that have ADHD. health and wellness. You know, people who are, you know, wanting more career and job things. You know, youth, right. Different age ranges. So it’s it can be very specific and it can be very general. So if you can’t work with me, you really need to just. Yes. Look at their accreditation. I would then look to see whatever their accreditation is. Go and read on that website and see what they had to do in order to get their accreditation. Right. How much training it was, what they, you know, the level that they had to work at. But once you do that, most importantly, it’s meeting the coach, right? You got to be comfortable with that person. You have to feel like they hear you. They understand you. you know that, that they’re empathetic and, and that they are caring, right? And they, they have your best interests at heart.

Betty Wang 00:41:11 Do you have free resources or books or websites that you recommend for people to go to to learn more.

Jenn Andrews 00:41:19 About coaching in general.

Betty Wang 00:41:21 Just about their resilience coaching and training? Or if somebody wanted to read on maybe how to do that for themselves. Are there places that they can start?

Jenn Andrews 00:41:31 Yeah.

Jenn Andrews 00:41:31 So Youth Coaching Institute was where I got trained and I chose them because to me they were gold standard because they are evidence based. So meaning everything that I was taught had data behind it. So I’m I’m a scientist. I’m a speech pathologist. Everything I did was, you know, had data studies that that was my whole training, right? And I worked in medical fields and and educational fields for 25 years. So to me, it was important to have a backing of data and proof and evidence to support what I was going to be practicing and why I had that. And so the training I got has evidence to support how I’m going to coach you. Right. So that’s Youth Coaching institute.com. You can read up about the International Coaching Federation.

Jenn Andrews 00:42:23 Just Google that if you want to learn more about the general coaching and what they’re requiring and then resources, you know, in terms of I came to I, I asked a lot of coaches before I chose the program, I went through about, I would say 15 people that I knew that were coaches that I had connected to. Just I researched them through LinkedIn and, and that was kind of how I refined the program that I wanted to use. Right? So if it’s for them and they’re interested in a career choice like that, that’s that’s what I would recommend. Just start asking around. Right. And and doing your research.

Betty Wang 00:43:01 Well, I’m, I’m thinking more of the you know, I’m glad you talked about the science space. I mean, I’m thinking more of the the folks who are like, this sounds a little.

Betty Wang 00:43:09 Woo woo.

Betty Wang 00:43:10 To me, right? Like. But there’s real science and data that shows that this is effective. It does help people. and that’s I mean, I guess I’m, I think I’m wondering for people who aren’t, can’t afford to hire a coach or for people who just aren’t quite ready to take that first step, sometimes learning about how to do it for themselves.

Betty Wang 00:43:38 Yeah. and maybe they end up needing a coach later, but at least they could understand some of the framework on their own if there’s good places to start.

Jenn Andrews 00:43:46 So I do have a book that I really, I, I personally use for some activities and stuff for some of the kids that I work with, some of the young adults that I work with as well, and it’s called Your Life Your Way, and it’s by Joseph Sierra and Louise Hayes. I think I’m pronouncing that correctly. I’m going to show it up here for your YouTube part, I think.

Betty Wang 00:44:08 And I’ll put it in the show notes.

Jenn Andrews 00:44:09 Okay.

Jenn Andrews 00:44:10 Good. And it’s, it’s, it’s great because it, it walks you through the coaching process. But but basically what it’s doing is it’s helping you with self-reflection and self-awareness. And there’s activities in here and they’re, they’re you can do a page or two at a time. It walks you through a specific process in order. So it feels, it feels linear. It feels, progressive in nature.

Jenn Andrews 00:44:37 And it’s not threatening. There’s, you know, it’s some of the activities are even like, you know, check the boxes. Right. Give a list of five connect the dots. I mean, they’re real basic, activities that just to start to help some of that thinking, come on that metal level that we talked about earlier. It’s really important to have that. Right. And and if you can just, you know, even using a guide like this, if that’s what how you want to start. Go for it please. Right. Yeah. Great resource.

Betty Wang 00:45:14 Are there any is there anything that we haven’t talked about that you want to talk about when it comes to resilience coaching and coaching and how that works?

Jenn Andrews 00:45:26 You know, I think I just like people to if you walk away with anything from listening, I think, you know, look around. There’s a lot of people struggling out there. Most are silent. Most don’t say that they’re having trouble. Most don’t talk about it and check in with people.

Jenn Andrews 00:45:49 I just, you know, more so than plugging anything that I do or, I just want people to be aware. Right. And just, you know, try to try to have compassion as you go through your day and, you know, you, you and you meet up with hundreds of people a day, you come across hundreds of people a day in the grocery store, at a stoplight in a class, a friend at coffee, check in with people. Understand people are going through a lot. Things you don’t know, things you don’t understand. Give grace.

Betty Wang 00:46:23 I think that’s lovely. I think that would make the world a much nicer place, right? For everyone and for yourself.

Jenn Andrews 00:46:28 I’m not perfect at it either. We all need it, right?

Betty Wang 00:46:31 So. Well, you know that I love understanding how other people do these things in their life. I would imagine what you do, you take. It’s hard not to take on the burdens of some of your clients. How do you personally maintain your own balance in your own piece.

Betty Wang 00:46:49 Yeah, because I think in a job, that’s you. Requires empathy. Yeah. it probably makes you really good at your job, right? But also, it must be hard to sometimes not let that bleed into your own. Yeah. Life. Your own personal life. What do you do to maintain that kind of separation or maintain your peace?

Jenn Andrews 00:47:15 You know, it’s it’s it’s a little bit like a muscle in that when I first started. It impacted me a lot. Right. The people that I was servicing, I care about my clients, right? I have empathy towards my clients. And and, you know, I, I take notes as throughout the session. And when I’m done with the session, I close out and I rewrite the notes. And for me, it just kind of closes it up. I don’t know why I can’t. There’s something about the writing and rereading and reprocessing in my brain and my central nervous system that it’s. There’s a start of the session, there’s a middle and there’s an end.

Jenn Andrews 00:47:56 And when I can see it right, and reread it, it closes it out for me, and I can put it in the folder and move on. I have my own processes like that, and, and I think about my clients a lot. I mean, I think about them.

Betty Wang 00:48:13 Yeah. It’s hard not to. And our, like, type in our work. We’re so in their lives I say they’re part of my they’re part of my now worries. Right. Like they come up at different parts of the day where I’m like, oh, I wonder or I hope this is going okay or blah, blah, blah.

Jenn Andrews 00:48:31 Yes, yes. And and you, I, I find myself honestly checking in sometimes. How’s the week going? You know, little, little things here and there, but not too much because they’re on their own. I have to trust that they’re on their own. They can do it right. Sometimes when I know they’re in a tougher situation, I give a little check in.

Jenn Andrews 00:48:51 Right? But I am learning to as I grow as a coach. Right. Some some other strategies that work for me. I’m I have had a therapist and I’ve been in therapy myself since I was 18, 19. So to me, having a coach and and someone to help support me in my endeavors and learn about myself has helped me tremendously. Understand where I was, where I am, where I want to be, and that that you know, that process, knowing that I’m going along that continuum as well, right, is, I’m hoping, dripping down into the sessions that I’m doing and then making sure there’s a boundary between right, my professional and my personal life.

Betty Wang 00:49:37 That’s important. It’s hard to though, sometimes. Right. And what hobbies are interests do you have outside of work? You know, I’m always looking for ideas for my clients who are going to retire for myself eventually in retirement, because there’s so many of us that we’re so busy with our lives now that we don’t really have hobbies or interests that other than work and our families and our friends.

Betty Wang 00:50:02 Right. That’s it’s hard to. And as women, we feel guilty, right? We feel guilty spending money on something that doesn’t seem like it has a purpose. Right.

Jenn Andrews 00:50:12 I have come a long way in that. And, and and I empathize with that. I think when my my first born is now a sophomore in college, and when he was even leading up to when he was launching, that was a really hard time understanding. Wow, he’s he’s headed out. And not that he didn’t need me, but I wanted him to launch and I wanted the, you know, he needed to to detach right and go live his life. It really questioned my, well, what is my role, what am I doing? And now I have more free time, right? And do I want to take on more clients? How do I how does that what services mean? And this year I don’t I don’t really create like New Year’s what do they call resolutions. But this year for some reason I said I’m just going to say yes, I that was it.

Jenn Andrews 00:51:05 I didn’t say what to I didn’t say why or how or why. It was very simple. I’m going to say yes. And so anything that is coming my way apart from something dangerous or too expensive. I have said yes. So I, I just thought I’d try that. And it has led me to back to art. To be honest with you, which is something that I love. And I used to paint and then I it’s messy and it’s annoying and I would never pick it up. And I have this canvas sitting there and with the paints ready, and I never picked it up. And then I tried something different. I tried a graphite and a colored pencils class, and I am falling in love with colored pencil. And so I am feeling in my life now. My, my my oldest is away. My youngest is a junior in high school. He’s taking the reins of his of his responsibilities most times, you know. So I’m finding myself with a lot of time and and as my client list grows, I want that balance of work and this new energy, artistic energy.

Jenn Andrews 00:52:12 And I’m really drawn to it. And that’s where I’m starting to spend a lot more time just kind of in that artist’s mindset, you know, and it’s very meditative for me. It’s very calming. My central nervous system calms and I love it.

Betty Wang 00:52:26 Do you have to schedule it for yourself? How does that work?

Jenn Andrews 00:52:30 It’s been hard because, well, they’re offered when they’re offered. Right. And then that’s the other thing because I’m, I’m really committed I, I, I like to exercise. That’s my other right like kind of release. And so I know I’m going to do that in the morning. And that’s kind of always been my thing. But all of a sudden this class was in the morning and now I was having to give up. Right. One thing for the next in this trade off. And I found that it wasn’t really much of a trade off. Right. That I was such a stickler on the when, but kind of putting this in, finding I could put this in and do this thing right later or different time.

Jenn Andrews 00:53:05 It was an adjustment for me. Right? Being flexible with myself and giving myself permission to do it.

Betty Wang 00:53:11 Well, thank you for sharing. What’s the best way for people to find you.

Jenn Andrews 00:53:15 So you can visit the site? Or you can email me Jennifer at e t r e I e.com. And and those are the best ways you can look at my I’m on Instagram Facebook under coaching. And and you know I would love to connect and answer any questions people have.

Betty Wang 00:53:36 Well, thank you so much for your time. This was so fun.

Jenn Andrews 00:53:40 Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Betty Wang 00:53:43 Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Betty Smart Friends. I hope you enjoyed today’s conversation and that you learned something new. You can connect with us on social media to stay updated on future episodes. Share your thoughts and join our community of smart friends. You can find us on Instagram at Betty Financial, and don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode! If you are feeling ready to be more empowered and less alone in your financial life, please schedule a complimentary 15 minutes with me.

Betty Wang 00:54:17 The link is in the show notes. Please see the show notes for important disclosures regarding BW financial planning and this episode. Until next time, remember you are not alone. We got you.